Cowlingswyn is a town of many parades. And first Fridays. And second Saturdays. And tree lightings and car shows and art shows and Mayfairs. These events generally occur on the main street where most of the restaurants are located. This can be both a blessing and a curse.
Sure, the multitudes passing by result in greater visibility of "The Joint," but closing off the street on these days and evenings often keeps guests who INTENDED on dining there from ever making it. I know that if I went to make a left on Braddon Ave. and the street was closed I'd make a right instead and head for B.J.s for dinner, because my next question would be: " Where the hell am I going to park if theres a goddamn parade?"
The greater problem though, usually lies with those who HADN'T intended on dining with us, but do happen to wander in. Yes "The Joint" has windows that look out to the street- that doesn't make it the fucking judge's grandstand, where you, your wife, another couple and your collective twelve brats can set up shop, order forty bucks worth of apps, and drink the six bottles of "Jersey Sweet Red" you brought for three hours in the warmth of my section while said brats run in and out of the restaurant everytime they see a float they like and let the cold air in you are trying to get away from by watching a parade from a fucking restaurant in the first place. Was that a run-on sentence?
Want to take advantage of a restaurtant being nearby to a public event you are attending? Awesome. Come in beforehand for a quick dinner, feed the kids and grab a coffee with the check to warm up before you enjoy the evening's OUTDOOR festivities. Or time it so that you'll be dining as the parade goes by if you really want to; I don't mind if you request a window table if you show up on time, order and eat with some semblence of pace, and have dessert as the crowds dissipate. I don't even care if you wander in for coffee and dessert after the event, so long as it's late enough where others who are actually there to eat aren't waiting for a table.
In warmer weather: Don't sit at one of my patio tables and do nothing so you can relax and enjoy the jazz trio that's playing out front. Stand the fuck in front of them like everyone else that's watching. Live music is a nice accompaniment to dinner, I must admit. But then ORDER dinner for Pete's sake; my outdoor dining area isn't your own personal mezzanine at the Kimmel Center. People have to pay thousands of dollars and subscribe for such a priveledge, so if you do what me and my friends did Sunday night- stay at a table at a restaurant for three hours so we could enjoy my favorite live Christmas performance in it's entirety- do what my friend did and leave a hundred-dollar tip. Tickets for such an amazing live show would've cost much more and the poor server, who to that point thought we had wasted her whole night, had her little day made : )
What I'm saying is that a nearby event or performance doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and punish the restautrant just for its proximity. Granted, "The Joint" is by now well prapared to handle the uncertainty surrounding the seating on such days. But help us out willya? If your party of twelve is at six o' clock, why shouldn't I expect the table back by eight or eight-thirty if the food and service are efficient?
Or if you do plan to take up half a room for an entire Saturday night then you better order three fucking courses or something because from now on, if you don't want anymore coffee, I'm gonna pick-pocket you, use the shiniest card you have to pay the check, leave 20% (which is always accepted) on your behalf, and start pulling tables away. This will be after I hip-check your Carl Lewis-esque banshee of a child through the very same window through which you are viewing the parade...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
This Blog, it is a Changin'
Since I just submitted my internet class final, online, ironically enough, I officially declare this no longer a college-sanctioned blog (I got a 90 by the way, and I feel very strongly that my A in this class is secure, so thanks again everyone for your support of my musings). Those who know me are aware that I drop the occasional "F-Bomb" when I get excited, but overall my speech is pretty tame when I'm not speaking Spanish and censorship is not what this is about.
I'll also maintain my veil of anonymity. Just because my professor is no longer reading this doesn't mean I can now outwardly lampoon the paying customers of "The Joint." This would be bad for the restaurant business, bad for my bosses (who have allowed this blog to continue by repeatedly granting their permission), and it would be catastrophic for any restaurant if FOX news ever found out that a middle-class college student waiter was poking fun at the ridiculous tendencies of its upper-crust Holdenfeld clientele.
And there you have a prime example of what will change. Though I won't be swearing up and down or calling out Mr. and Mrs. Collingsmere on their closet alcoholism or calculated stinginess, you will identify an influx of my views- some political, some on the sad state of etiquette, on child-rearing- but mostly you will now hear, unabridged, what I really think of some of the @#$%*&#!#@s I have to bend to on a daily basis. Especially if they fail to tip 20%
The symbols are for you Professor Reeder, if you are still reading ; ) I enjoyed your class!
I'll also maintain my veil of anonymity. Just because my professor is no longer reading this doesn't mean I can now outwardly lampoon the paying customers of "The Joint." This would be bad for the restaurant business, bad for my bosses (who have allowed this blog to continue by repeatedly granting their permission), and it would be catastrophic for any restaurant if FOX news ever found out that a middle-class college student waiter was poking fun at the ridiculous tendencies of its upper-crust Holdenfeld clientele.
And there you have a prime example of what will change. Though I won't be swearing up and down or calling out Mr. and Mrs. Collingsmere on their closet alcoholism or calculated stinginess, you will identify an influx of my views- some political, some on the sad state of etiquette, on child-rearing- but mostly you will now hear, unabridged, what I really think of some of the @#$%*&#!#@s I have to bend to on a daily basis. Especially if they fail to tip 20%
The symbols are for you Professor Reeder, if you are still reading ; ) I enjoyed your class!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Late? Please Wait....
Wow, Sunday morning is probably not the best time to post this blog. After a super frustrating and non-lucrative Saturday night, I may be a tad bit viscous, so I apologize in advance.
So we were expecting a party of eight at eight o' clock last night, and come twenty-five after, they had neither arrived nor called. Now at this point, I'm playing waiter, hostess, and Maitre' D, and we are on a twenty to thirty minute wait. And it's really difficult to take care of your customers in the dining room when you've got several groups up front, staring you down at every move, hungry like coyotes watching a maimed deer for a table.
So I break up the party of eight and get two of those groups sat. Of course, moments later the children of the people who reserved said party meander in and demand their table. Rut-Roh. When the parents make it in, I explained what happened as politely as possible, imploring them to simply call in the future of they were going to be late. They didn't care. I was further convinced of their self-centric view of the universe when I realized they had been shopping along the main street on which "the joint" is located all night, and any one of them could have stopped by to check in and let me know they intended to come whenever the hell they felt like it, despite the reservations they'd made. So I minded little, making them wait forty-five minutes up front by the cold door like kennel dogs waiting for their kibble for a table. I even smiled a little when they were sat and I saw it was my turn for a table.
That they were extremely difficult from there on out, ordered as cheaply as possible and tipped around 12% despite my best efforts to be personable is neither here nor there. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR A RESERVATION, WHETHER IT'S ONE PERSON OR TWELVE, FIVE MINUTES OR TWO HOURS, SATURDAY NIGHT OR TUESDAY BREAKFAST, PULL OUT YOUR CELL AND CALL THE PLACE FOR PETE'S SAKE. How much effort does that take? In a time when cell phones are glued to our frreakin hands, is such a simple courtesy too much effort?
And if you see that your lateness has caused a seating issue, or any added, un-necessary stress on the staff, tip the Maitre'D, the hostess, the bus-boy- and everybody gets 20%
So we were expecting a party of eight at eight o' clock last night, and come twenty-five after, they had neither arrived nor called. Now at this point, I'm playing waiter, hostess, and Maitre' D, and we are on a twenty to thirty minute wait. And it's really difficult to take care of your customers in the dining room when you've got several groups up front, staring you down at every move, hungry like coyotes watching a maimed deer for a table.
So I break up the party of eight and get two of those groups sat. Of course, moments later the children of the people who reserved said party meander in and demand their table. Rut-Roh. When the parents make it in, I explained what happened as politely as possible, imploring them to simply call in the future of they were going to be late. They didn't care. I was further convinced of their self-centric view of the universe when I realized they had been shopping along the main street on which "the joint" is located all night, and any one of them could have stopped by to check in and let me know they intended to come whenever the hell they felt like it, despite the reservations they'd made. So I minded little, making them wait forty-five minutes up front by the cold door like kennel dogs waiting for their kibble for a table. I even smiled a little when they were sat and I saw it was my turn for a table.
That they were extremely difficult from there on out, ordered as cheaply as possible and tipped around 12% despite my best efforts to be personable is neither here nor there. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR A RESERVATION, WHETHER IT'S ONE PERSON OR TWELVE, FIVE MINUTES OR TWO HOURS, SATURDAY NIGHT OR TUESDAY BREAKFAST, PULL OUT YOUR CELL AND CALL THE PLACE FOR PETE'S SAKE. How much effort does that take? In a time when cell phones are glued to our frreakin hands, is such a simple courtesy too much effort?
And if you see that your lateness has caused a seating issue, or any added, un-necessary stress on the staff, tip the Maitre'D, the hostess, the bus-boy- and everybody gets 20%
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Take a Look at Yourself
As we start to wrap up the semester, let's just take a moment to remember that the way you treat a server really does reflect a lot on your personality. Here are a few tips to help you take advantage, and I'm sorry but by nature, this blog is geared toward the fellas. But you ladies can probably get a laugh out of it.
-On a first date, treat the server warmly and generously, especially if it is a female. Women look at the way you treat servers much in the way they look at how you treat your mother, so simply shrug off any nervous mistakes and definitely tip well.
-If a server doesn't offer his or her name, don't ask for it. If they do, don't use it every time I'm at the table. It implies you are more interested in the server than your guest and it's annoying for so many other reasons. If you liked your server and would like to request them, compliment the service and ask at the end of the meal.
-Be a good tipper, but don't flaunt it. Do it quietly, and with class, and don't hang the fact that you are a good tipper over the server's head. It looks like an extension of...
-Many servers are law students, teachers, writers, etc. So do not try to make a smart remark at a server's expense to make yourself look better. Most times you'll find yourself embarrassed by our wit, and we can walk away.
And if there is ever, ever, a question about how much to tip, you can never go wrong with 20%
-On a first date, treat the server warmly and generously, especially if it is a female. Women look at the way you treat servers much in the way they look at how you treat your mother, so simply shrug off any nervous mistakes and definitely tip well.
-If a server doesn't offer his or her name, don't ask for it. If they do, don't use it every time I'm at the table. It implies you are more interested in the server than your guest and it's annoying for so many other reasons. If you liked your server and would like to request them, compliment the service and ask at the end of the meal.
-Be a good tipper, but don't flaunt it. Do it quietly, and with class, and don't hang the fact that you are a good tipper over the server's head. It looks like an extension of...
-Many servers are law students, teachers, writers, etc. So do not try to make a smart remark at a server's expense to make yourself look better. Most times you'll find yourself embarrassed by our wit, and we can walk away.
And if there is ever, ever, a question about how much to tip, you can never go wrong with 20%
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)