Cowlingswyn is a town of many parades. And first Fridays. And second Saturdays. And tree lightings and car shows and art shows and Mayfairs. These events generally occur on the main street where most of the restaurants are located. This can be both a blessing and a curse.
Sure, the multitudes passing by result in greater visibility of "The Joint," but closing off the street on these days and evenings often keeps guests who INTENDED on dining there from ever making it. I know that if I went to make a left on Braddon Ave. and the street was closed I'd make a right instead and head for B.J.s for dinner, because my next question would be: " Where the hell am I going to park if theres a goddamn parade?"
The greater problem though, usually lies with those who HADN'T intended on dining with us, but do happen to wander in. Yes "The Joint" has windows that look out to the street- that doesn't make it the fucking judge's grandstand, where you, your wife, another couple and your collective twelve brats can set up shop, order forty bucks worth of apps, and drink the six bottles of "Jersey Sweet Red" you brought for three hours in the warmth of my section while said brats run in and out of the restaurant everytime they see a float they like and let the cold air in you are trying to get away from by watching a parade from a fucking restaurant in the first place. Was that a run-on sentence?
Want to take advantage of a restaurtant being nearby to a public event you are attending? Awesome. Come in beforehand for a quick dinner, feed the kids and grab a coffee with the check to warm up before you enjoy the evening's OUTDOOR festivities. Or time it so that you'll be dining as the parade goes by if you really want to; I don't mind if you request a window table if you show up on time, order and eat with some semblence of pace, and have dessert as the crowds dissipate. I don't even care if you wander in for coffee and dessert after the event, so long as it's late enough where others who are actually there to eat aren't waiting for a table.
In warmer weather: Don't sit at one of my patio tables and do nothing so you can relax and enjoy the jazz trio that's playing out front. Stand the fuck in front of them like everyone else that's watching. Live music is a nice accompaniment to dinner, I must admit. But then ORDER dinner for Pete's sake; my outdoor dining area isn't your own personal mezzanine at the Kimmel Center. People have to pay thousands of dollars and subscribe for such a priveledge, so if you do what me and my friends did Sunday night- stay at a table at a restaurant for three hours so we could enjoy my favorite live Christmas performance in it's entirety- do what my friend did and leave a hundred-dollar tip. Tickets for such an amazing live show would've cost much more and the poor server, who to that point thought we had wasted her whole night, had her little day made : )
What I'm saying is that a nearby event or performance doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and punish the restautrant just for its proximity. Granted, "The Joint" is by now well prapared to handle the uncertainty surrounding the seating on such days. But help us out willya? If your party of twelve is at six o' clock, why shouldn't I expect the table back by eight or eight-thirty if the food and service are efficient?
Or if you do plan to take up half a room for an entire Saturday night then you better order three fucking courses or something because from now on, if you don't want anymore coffee, I'm gonna pick-pocket you, use the shiniest card you have to pay the check, leave 20% (which is always accepted) on your behalf, and start pulling tables away. This will be after I hip-check your Carl Lewis-esque banshee of a child through the very same window through which you are viewing the parade...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
This Blog, it is a Changin'
Since I just submitted my internet class final, online, ironically enough, I officially declare this no longer a college-sanctioned blog (I got a 90 by the way, and I feel very strongly that my A in this class is secure, so thanks again everyone for your support of my musings). Those who know me are aware that I drop the occasional "F-Bomb" when I get excited, but overall my speech is pretty tame when I'm not speaking Spanish and censorship is not what this is about.
I'll also maintain my veil of anonymity. Just because my professor is no longer reading this doesn't mean I can now outwardly lampoon the paying customers of "The Joint." This would be bad for the restaurant business, bad for my bosses (who have allowed this blog to continue by repeatedly granting their permission), and it would be catastrophic for any restaurant if FOX news ever found out that a middle-class college student waiter was poking fun at the ridiculous tendencies of its upper-crust Holdenfeld clientele.
And there you have a prime example of what will change. Though I won't be swearing up and down or calling out Mr. and Mrs. Collingsmere on their closet alcoholism or calculated stinginess, you will identify an influx of my views- some political, some on the sad state of etiquette, on child-rearing- but mostly you will now hear, unabridged, what I really think of some of the @#$%*&#!#@s I have to bend to on a daily basis. Especially if they fail to tip 20%
The symbols are for you Professor Reeder, if you are still reading ; ) I enjoyed your class!
I'll also maintain my veil of anonymity. Just because my professor is no longer reading this doesn't mean I can now outwardly lampoon the paying customers of "The Joint." This would be bad for the restaurant business, bad for my bosses (who have allowed this blog to continue by repeatedly granting their permission), and it would be catastrophic for any restaurant if FOX news ever found out that a middle-class college student waiter was poking fun at the ridiculous tendencies of its upper-crust Holdenfeld clientele.
And there you have a prime example of what will change. Though I won't be swearing up and down or calling out Mr. and Mrs. Collingsmere on their closet alcoholism or calculated stinginess, you will identify an influx of my views- some political, some on the sad state of etiquette, on child-rearing- but mostly you will now hear, unabridged, what I really think of some of the @#$%*&#!#@s I have to bend to on a daily basis. Especially if they fail to tip 20%
The symbols are for you Professor Reeder, if you are still reading ; ) I enjoyed your class!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Late? Please Wait....
Wow, Sunday morning is probably not the best time to post this blog. After a super frustrating and non-lucrative Saturday night, I may be a tad bit viscous, so I apologize in advance.
So we were expecting a party of eight at eight o' clock last night, and come twenty-five after, they had neither arrived nor called. Now at this point, I'm playing waiter, hostess, and Maitre' D, and we are on a twenty to thirty minute wait. And it's really difficult to take care of your customers in the dining room when you've got several groups up front, staring you down at every move, hungry like coyotes watching a maimed deer for a table.
So I break up the party of eight and get two of those groups sat. Of course, moments later the children of the people who reserved said party meander in and demand their table. Rut-Roh. When the parents make it in, I explained what happened as politely as possible, imploring them to simply call in the future of they were going to be late. They didn't care. I was further convinced of their self-centric view of the universe when I realized they had been shopping along the main street on which "the joint" is located all night, and any one of them could have stopped by to check in and let me know they intended to come whenever the hell they felt like it, despite the reservations they'd made. So I minded little, making them wait forty-five minutes up front by the cold door like kennel dogs waiting for their kibble for a table. I even smiled a little when they were sat and I saw it was my turn for a table.
That they were extremely difficult from there on out, ordered as cheaply as possible and tipped around 12% despite my best efforts to be personable is neither here nor there. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR A RESERVATION, WHETHER IT'S ONE PERSON OR TWELVE, FIVE MINUTES OR TWO HOURS, SATURDAY NIGHT OR TUESDAY BREAKFAST, PULL OUT YOUR CELL AND CALL THE PLACE FOR PETE'S SAKE. How much effort does that take? In a time when cell phones are glued to our frreakin hands, is such a simple courtesy too much effort?
And if you see that your lateness has caused a seating issue, or any added, un-necessary stress on the staff, tip the Maitre'D, the hostess, the bus-boy- and everybody gets 20%
So we were expecting a party of eight at eight o' clock last night, and come twenty-five after, they had neither arrived nor called. Now at this point, I'm playing waiter, hostess, and Maitre' D, and we are on a twenty to thirty minute wait. And it's really difficult to take care of your customers in the dining room when you've got several groups up front, staring you down at every move, hungry like coyotes watching a maimed deer for a table.
So I break up the party of eight and get two of those groups sat. Of course, moments later the children of the people who reserved said party meander in and demand their table. Rut-Roh. When the parents make it in, I explained what happened as politely as possible, imploring them to simply call in the future of they were going to be late. They didn't care. I was further convinced of their self-centric view of the universe when I realized they had been shopping along the main street on which "the joint" is located all night, and any one of them could have stopped by to check in and let me know they intended to come whenever the hell they felt like it, despite the reservations they'd made. So I minded little, making them wait forty-five minutes up front by the cold door like kennel dogs waiting for their kibble for a table. I even smiled a little when they were sat and I saw it was my turn for a table.
That they were extremely difficult from there on out, ordered as cheaply as possible and tipped around 12% despite my best efforts to be personable is neither here nor there. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR A RESERVATION, WHETHER IT'S ONE PERSON OR TWELVE, FIVE MINUTES OR TWO HOURS, SATURDAY NIGHT OR TUESDAY BREAKFAST, PULL OUT YOUR CELL AND CALL THE PLACE FOR PETE'S SAKE. How much effort does that take? In a time when cell phones are glued to our frreakin hands, is such a simple courtesy too much effort?
And if you see that your lateness has caused a seating issue, or any added, un-necessary stress on the staff, tip the Maitre'D, the hostess, the bus-boy- and everybody gets 20%
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Take a Look at Yourself
As we start to wrap up the semester, let's just take a moment to remember that the way you treat a server really does reflect a lot on your personality. Here are a few tips to help you take advantage, and I'm sorry but by nature, this blog is geared toward the fellas. But you ladies can probably get a laugh out of it.
-On a first date, treat the server warmly and generously, especially if it is a female. Women look at the way you treat servers much in the way they look at how you treat your mother, so simply shrug off any nervous mistakes and definitely tip well.
-If a server doesn't offer his or her name, don't ask for it. If they do, don't use it every time I'm at the table. It implies you are more interested in the server than your guest and it's annoying for so many other reasons. If you liked your server and would like to request them, compliment the service and ask at the end of the meal.
-Be a good tipper, but don't flaunt it. Do it quietly, and with class, and don't hang the fact that you are a good tipper over the server's head. It looks like an extension of...
-Many servers are law students, teachers, writers, etc. So do not try to make a smart remark at a server's expense to make yourself look better. Most times you'll find yourself embarrassed by our wit, and we can walk away.
And if there is ever, ever, a question about how much to tip, you can never go wrong with 20%
-On a first date, treat the server warmly and generously, especially if it is a female. Women look at the way you treat servers much in the way they look at how you treat your mother, so simply shrug off any nervous mistakes and definitely tip well.
-If a server doesn't offer his or her name, don't ask for it. If they do, don't use it every time I'm at the table. It implies you are more interested in the server than your guest and it's annoying for so many other reasons. If you liked your server and would like to request them, compliment the service and ask at the end of the meal.
-Be a good tipper, but don't flaunt it. Do it quietly, and with class, and don't hang the fact that you are a good tipper over the server's head. It looks like an extension of...
-Many servers are law students, teachers, writers, etc. So do not try to make a smart remark at a server's expense to make yourself look better. Most times you'll find yourself embarrassed by our wit, and we can walk away.
And if there is ever, ever, a question about how much to tip, you can never go wrong with 20%
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
When You Eat the Pink Chicken...
So recently my brother got food poisoning at a local hole (let's just say if you were looking for gold on rte. 38, this would be the restaurant to go to), a transgression that in an age when we eat raw tuna and beef from Japan on a regular basis is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. I've been pretty defensive of restaurant staffers on this blog to this point as you all know I myself am one. But as a repeat victim of food poisoning as a result of my insatiable addiction to oysters, I'm well aware that this sometimes week-long devastating (not to mention disgusting) illness is usually made worse with the knowledge that it could have been prevented, and it might have been paid for! Let me tell you what I've learned through my own personal pain so if you are ever in this situation you can be properly compensated for your suffering.
There are two ways to go about this, depending on the restaurant. ChillMe's, Fry-Daze, Crapplebees, Pizzeria Junos- with any corporate chain gang its easy. Simply call their corporate 800 hot-line and report what happened. Be ready with the time and date of the meal and the location, as these slop shops dish up hundreds and thousands of "meals" per day. The higher ups will know what to do, just let em' take care of ya!
In a privately owned restaurant it you may run into an owner or general manager that's a little less likely to compensate you appropriately, much less admit fault, as they can't afford the insurance that allows them to simply "settle first". Here's what you do: Call the place, ask for the general manager. DO NOT speak with anyone but the GM. If he or she's not there, leave a message concerning food poisoning and they'll get right back to you. Begin your conversation by describing the throes of agony you experienced after leaving the restaurant, noting that 95% of food poisoning cases are linked to one's last meal. The restaurant is absolutely responsible for your doctor bills and prescription costs, and you should be eating there free for a year. If this doesn't come easily, start talking lost wages and permanent damage to your stomach lining and esophagus; say you'd like to have a dental check-up for acid wear- it will come easy.
Two must dos in the case you suspect restaurant food poisoning:
1. If you suspect you've bitten into something rotten (raw chicken, like my poor bro, or a funky tasting oyster), get a manager. If you told me this as your server I'd pull the plate from the table and you'd never see it again. You want to point out to the manager what you think the problem is and ask him or her if you are going to be sick. Get the manager to admit that you might become ill (good job Phillip). Again, with the chains you're in good shape as the manager will have to file an incident report with corporate so they'll be ready for your call.
2. GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! Food poisoning can kill you in various unpleasant ways, so get medical attention. Don't be surprised if you are sent to the emergency room for a nice IV drip. If you can foot the bill, don't use your medical insurance. Why let the restaurant get off with reimbursing just a co-pay? Obviously, keep your receipts together and any documents such as discharge papers with the diagnosis: FOOD POISONING.
Finally, keep two things in mind: A little bellyache after a big meal is not food poisoning. People generally eat richer foods than usual at restaurants, and you might encounter ingredients you're not used to. I was once laid up for a day after a seven-course dinner at Le Bec Fin. If you have food poisoning, believe me, you'll know it. Also, try not to freak out on the server or manager. We didn't cook it! As much as I may hate you, I can't simply go into the kitchen and under-cook your food, and I'll probably have to weigh in on the situation later, maybe attend a meeting on my day off. So please, realize that this situation is going to call my attention away from my other tables and I'm gonna have to work extra hard to rectify it. Either way I'm making less money and it's not my fault. For all of this, I'll accept 20%...
There are two ways to go about this, depending on the restaurant. ChillMe's, Fry-Daze, Crapplebees, Pizzeria Junos- with any corporate chain gang its easy. Simply call their corporate 800 hot-line and report what happened. Be ready with the time and date of the meal and the location, as these slop shops dish up hundreds and thousands of "meals" per day. The higher ups will know what to do, just let em' take care of ya!
In a privately owned restaurant it you may run into an owner or general manager that's a little less likely to compensate you appropriately, much less admit fault, as they can't afford the insurance that allows them to simply "settle first". Here's what you do: Call the place, ask for the general manager. DO NOT speak with anyone but the GM. If he or she's not there, leave a message concerning food poisoning and they'll get right back to you. Begin your conversation by describing the throes of agony you experienced after leaving the restaurant, noting that 95% of food poisoning cases are linked to one's last meal. The restaurant is absolutely responsible for your doctor bills and prescription costs, and you should be eating there free for a year. If this doesn't come easily, start talking lost wages and permanent damage to your stomach lining and esophagus; say you'd like to have a dental check-up for acid wear- it will come easy.
Two must dos in the case you suspect restaurant food poisoning:
1. If you suspect you've bitten into something rotten (raw chicken, like my poor bro, or a funky tasting oyster), get a manager. If you told me this as your server I'd pull the plate from the table and you'd never see it again. You want to point out to the manager what you think the problem is and ask him or her if you are going to be sick. Get the manager to admit that you might become ill (good job Phillip). Again, with the chains you're in good shape as the manager will have to file an incident report with corporate so they'll be ready for your call.
2. GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! Food poisoning can kill you in various unpleasant ways, so get medical attention. Don't be surprised if you are sent to the emergency room for a nice IV drip. If you can foot the bill, don't use your medical insurance. Why let the restaurant get off with reimbursing just a co-pay? Obviously, keep your receipts together and any documents such as discharge papers with the diagnosis: FOOD POISONING.
Finally, keep two things in mind: A little bellyache after a big meal is not food poisoning. People generally eat richer foods than usual at restaurants, and you might encounter ingredients you're not used to. I was once laid up for a day after a seven-course dinner at Le Bec Fin. If you have food poisoning, believe me, you'll know it. Also, try not to freak out on the server or manager. We didn't cook it! As much as I may hate you, I can't simply go into the kitchen and under-cook your food, and I'll probably have to weigh in on the situation later, maybe attend a meeting on my day off. So please, realize that this situation is going to call my attention away from my other tables and I'm gonna have to work extra hard to rectify it. Either way I'm making less money and it's not my fault. For all of this, I'll accept 20%...
Friday, November 18, 2011
Restaurant Fashion: Wearing the Food
So I'm coming to you today live from "The Joint" (you can tell how my lunch shift is going), just lookin' for some inspiration from the restaurant at which I work and trying not to be too bitter about spending the next three days here!
After inadvertently pouring rice pudding all over the chest of my young, female co-worker during a busy Saturday night shift last weekend, let's talk today about how to handle it when a server spills something on you.
I totally understand that it may be your first reaction to freak out if your server dumps something on you; you were not expecting to shower in a usually particularly hot or cold substance and you may be wearing an expensive and/or irreplaceable garment. But lets take a second to think about this- you can actually thank your lucky stars for being spilled on! It is a rare opportunity to demonstrate how patient and understanding you are, especially if you are with business acquaintances or others you don't know very well.
Your server will be mortified upon spilling something on you, and whether your server is male or female, they will likely be crying. It is also likely they will be afraid to return to the table. If the manager arrives to tell you this, thank him or her for the concern, but please ask that they send the server back to the table so you can explain to him or her that everybody has accidents, it's no big deal, at least it wasn't boiling oil, etc...
There is no reason to ruin the evening of you and your guests over a clumsy mistake, which is what would happen if you freaked out. If you handle it like I recommend, everybody at the table will later remark about how kind and patient you are (it NEVER looks good when you treat a server poorly, no matter what for). So whereas you may want to strangle your server for an act of extreme clumsiness, restrain your violent tendencies and try to understand that we as servers are required to move really quickly with a lot of hot stuff in our hands while doing two or three other things at the same time. Since the restaurant will always assume the dry-cleaning or replacement cost of the garment, relax and know that it will be taken care of.
And the trauma of spilling something on a restaurant guest is definitely worth 20%, just to show your server your not really mad!
After inadvertently pouring rice pudding all over the chest of my young, female co-worker during a busy Saturday night shift last weekend, let's talk today about how to handle it when a server spills something on you.
I totally understand that it may be your first reaction to freak out if your server dumps something on you; you were not expecting to shower in a usually particularly hot or cold substance and you may be wearing an expensive and/or irreplaceable garment. But lets take a second to think about this- you can actually thank your lucky stars for being spilled on! It is a rare opportunity to demonstrate how patient and understanding you are, especially if you are with business acquaintances or others you don't know very well.
Your server will be mortified upon spilling something on you, and whether your server is male or female, they will likely be crying. It is also likely they will be afraid to return to the table. If the manager arrives to tell you this, thank him or her for the concern, but please ask that they send the server back to the table so you can explain to him or her that everybody has accidents, it's no big deal, at least it wasn't boiling oil, etc...
There is no reason to ruin the evening of you and your guests over a clumsy mistake, which is what would happen if you freaked out. If you handle it like I recommend, everybody at the table will later remark about how kind and patient you are (it NEVER looks good when you treat a server poorly, no matter what for). So whereas you may want to strangle your server for an act of extreme clumsiness, restrain your violent tendencies and try to understand that we as servers are required to move really quickly with a lot of hot stuff in our hands while doing two or three other things at the same time. Since the restaurant will always assume the dry-cleaning or replacement cost of the garment, relax and know that it will be taken care of.
And the trauma of spilling something on a restaurant guest is definitely worth 20%, just to show your server your not really mad!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Bring It!!!
BYOBs are a great way to avoid exhorbitant mark-ups on restaurant wine lists, and to ensure you'll have something you enjoy with your dinner. But the general procedure from top to bottom at BYOBs is a little different so let's discuss it a little, shall we?
First of a all, don't bring every bottle in your collection. Space in BYOB dining rooms is usually pretty limited and you don't really want your table surrounded by wine bags, etc. for me to trip over, do you? Also, if your table is covered with bottles and ice buckets, where will I put the food?
Second, if you require any special glassware, go ahead and bring it along. You're sixteen year old waitress isn't going to recognize your twenty year old Barolo and bring you the "special glasses," so if you can only drink out of Riedel crystal, I'll be happy to rinse it out for you when you're done. Knowing that a business isn't going to invest in sixty five dollar apiece wine glasses when it doesn't make any money off wine, I always bring my own glasses if I have a special bottle.
Finally, whereas BYOBs are meant for avoiding spending extra money on wine, if your server opens, pours, and maintains your bottle, toss him or her a couple extra bucks. Remember, servers are not required to even open your bottle at a BYOB, so any additional attention is above and beyond the standard. And especially at BYOBs, 20% is always accepted.
First of a all, don't bring every bottle in your collection. Space in BYOB dining rooms is usually pretty limited and you don't really want your table surrounded by wine bags, etc. for me to trip over, do you? Also, if your table is covered with bottles and ice buckets, where will I put the food?
Second, if you require any special glassware, go ahead and bring it along. You're sixteen year old waitress isn't going to recognize your twenty year old Barolo and bring you the "special glasses," so if you can only drink out of Riedel crystal, I'll be happy to rinse it out for you when you're done. Knowing that a business isn't going to invest in sixty five dollar apiece wine glasses when it doesn't make any money off wine, I always bring my own glasses if I have a special bottle.
Finally, whereas BYOBs are meant for avoiding spending extra money on wine, if your server opens, pours, and maintains your bottle, toss him or her a couple extra bucks. Remember, servers are not required to even open your bottle at a BYOB, so any additional attention is above and beyond the standard. And especially at BYOBs, 20% is always accepted.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Don't Spit in the Wind!
So I've received many things over the years in place of money for a tip: T-shirts, books, half a bottle of wine, a drink waiting for me at the bar after my shift, drugs, etc. But I got something the other day that inspired me to take a break from the wine education and talk about this.
I served this couple a late lunch the other day, a couple that was obviously fairly well off. The BMW keys were on the table, the watches were nice, and they were leafing through a home furnishings magazine for the affluent. They were very nice, paid with a gold AMEX (which we technically don't even take), and complimented me on my service. But when I retrieved the credit card slip, a biblical verse was what was written in on the tip line- and there was no cash or any monetary tip involved. I have received prayer cards in the past but they were usually accompanied by at least a couple of bucks. Not this day. Just a preachy prayer pamphlet that basically attacked Catholicism, the religion under which I was raised.
First, remember that servers make between two and three bucks an hour. As much as I like to have a drink after work and I especially appreciated that half bottle of vintage Dom Perignon, what if I didn't drink? And even if my soul needed saving, religion certainly doesn't pay the rent.
Second, if I was religious I would have been offended. As friendly as I may be, the transaction between the server and guest is purely business, so lets keep the tip in a universal currency please? Cash works. And 20% is always accepted. Til next time...
I served this couple a late lunch the other day, a couple that was obviously fairly well off. The BMW keys were on the table, the watches were nice, and they were leafing through a home furnishings magazine for the affluent. They were very nice, paid with a gold AMEX (which we technically don't even take), and complimented me on my service. But when I retrieved the credit card slip, a biblical verse was what was written in on the tip line- and there was no cash or any monetary tip involved. I have received prayer cards in the past but they were usually accompanied by at least a couple of bucks. Not this day. Just a preachy prayer pamphlet that basically attacked Catholicism, the religion under which I was raised.
First, remember that servers make between two and three bucks an hour. As much as I like to have a drink after work and I especially appreciated that half bottle of vintage Dom Perignon, what if I didn't drink? And even if my soul needed saving, religion certainly doesn't pay the rent.
Second, if I was religious I would have been offended. As friendly as I may be, the transaction between the server and guest is purely business, so lets keep the tip in a universal currency please? Cash works. And 20% is always accepted. Til next time...
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Time to Wine
So I've been holding back from a digression from etiquette standards to my real area of interest and expertise, but as the semester rolls on and I run out of ideas, I figure its time to talk wine.
First of all, avoid wines by the glass at all costs. Over the years I've seen the house pours get mixed together, left out and open all night- you get the idea. Plus most bottles of wine that are served by the glass in restaurants cost between six and nine bucks. So you usually buy the restaurant the bottle when you order the glass.
If more than one person wants red at dinner then, you should be able to agree on a bottle. Part of good conversation is talking about what you like, so find something that pairs well with many foods (Pinot Noir, Sangiovese), and something mid-range in price because the mark up on bottles is not much less that that of wines by the glass.
If you order the bottle, then you've got to taste it, and this does not have to be a grand ceremony. Here's how to look what you know what you're doing: When the server presents the bottle, just look for the name and the vintage (year) briefly to ensure it is what you ordered. When he or she pours you a taste, just swirl it briefly and sniff. If it smells like something you would want to take a sip of, just tell the server its fine. That's it. Technically, when I open that bottle, you bought it. If the bottle is corked (bad), which you should be able to tell by a single sniff, then you may tell me and I will bring you another. This rarely happens, so let me pour your guests their wine and let's get on with the show!
This is just the start. I'm takin' this week to talk about wine. If you wanna learn a lot in a little bit of time, read along. And if your server opens, pours, and maintains your bottle, 20% is gladly accepted.
P.S. Any questions about wine in general or ordering it in restaurants- post to my comments and I'll address them!
First of all, avoid wines by the glass at all costs. Over the years I've seen the house pours get mixed together, left out and open all night- you get the idea. Plus most bottles of wine that are served by the glass in restaurants cost between six and nine bucks. So you usually buy the restaurant the bottle when you order the glass.
If more than one person wants red at dinner then, you should be able to agree on a bottle. Part of good conversation is talking about what you like, so find something that pairs well with many foods (Pinot Noir, Sangiovese), and something mid-range in price because the mark up on bottles is not much less that that of wines by the glass.
If you order the bottle, then you've got to taste it, and this does not have to be a grand ceremony. Here's how to look what you know what you're doing: When the server presents the bottle, just look for the name and the vintage (year) briefly to ensure it is what you ordered. When he or she pours you a taste, just swirl it briefly and sniff. If it smells like something you would want to take a sip of, just tell the server its fine. That's it. Technically, when I open that bottle, you bought it. If the bottle is corked (bad), which you should be able to tell by a single sniff, then you may tell me and I will bring you another. This rarely happens, so let me pour your guests their wine and let's get on with the show!
This is just the start. I'm takin' this week to talk about wine. If you wanna learn a lot in a little bit of time, read along. And if your server opens, pours, and maintains your bottle, 20% is gladly accepted.
P.S. Any questions about wine in general or ordering it in restaurants- post to my comments and I'll address them!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
You Make Me Sick!
So I've been battling bronchitis and a mean cough for about a month now, so let's talk today about some restaurant health issues that arise in the fall when the weather changes, allergies are bad, and everybody's got the sniffles. There are a few things people do in restaurants that every waiter despises, advances the spread of germs, and are considered against the rules of etiquette.
-You would be surprised how many restaurant guests leave crumpled up tissues on the table, and the elderly are notorious for this. First of all, if you need to blow your nose during a meal, you should excuse yourself from the table to the restroom anyway; it's just good manners to not honk in a dining room. So please simply dispose of the tissue there. And next time you take grandma out to lunch and you notice she forgot to put her tissue back in her sleeve, just remind her to grab it so I don't need tongs to bus the table.
-Linen napkins are absolutely not for blowing one's nose. You may not believe it, but it happens. Again, you can't blow your nose with a linen napkin in the restroom. Also, do not cast your linen napkin on top of your entree plate as a sign you are finished or for any other reason really. That means I've got to touch it before I drop the plate oft to be washed, right after you've wiped your mouth with it. And as much as I wash my hands during a shift, there just isn't time to do it after I clear each table. Simply leave it in your lap and leave it on the table when you exit so it can be rolled up in a table cloth or cleared by a bus person who doesn't serve food.
-I had a couple in on a first date last weekend, and the lady went to the restroom after I cleared their dinners. When I lifted her napkin from her chair to fold it and return it to her place setting (just a thing good servers do), chunks of chewed up steak were cast out of it onto the table and floor. Enough said.
Throughout a shift, silverware, glasses, coffee cups, bread- you name it, pass through many server's hands, hands that share a touch screen, the phone, and objects that gather germs. Just help us out a little to keep our paws clean so we can avoid getting you, other guests, and ourselves sick. Thanks, and remember, 20% is always accepted.
-You would be surprised how many restaurant guests leave crumpled up tissues on the table, and the elderly are notorious for this. First of all, if you need to blow your nose during a meal, you should excuse yourself from the table to the restroom anyway; it's just good manners to not honk in a dining room. So please simply dispose of the tissue there. And next time you take grandma out to lunch and you notice she forgot to put her tissue back in her sleeve, just remind her to grab it so I don't need tongs to bus the table.
-Linen napkins are absolutely not for blowing one's nose. You may not believe it, but it happens. Again, you can't blow your nose with a linen napkin in the restroom. Also, do not cast your linen napkin on top of your entree plate as a sign you are finished or for any other reason really. That means I've got to touch it before I drop the plate oft to be washed, right after you've wiped your mouth with it. And as much as I wash my hands during a shift, there just isn't time to do it after I clear each table. Simply leave it in your lap and leave it on the table when you exit so it can be rolled up in a table cloth or cleared by a bus person who doesn't serve food.
-I had a couple in on a first date last weekend, and the lady went to the restroom after I cleared their dinners. When I lifted her napkin from her chair to fold it and return it to her place setting (just a thing good servers do), chunks of chewed up steak were cast out of it onto the table and floor. Enough said.
Throughout a shift, silverware, glasses, coffee cups, bread- you name it, pass through many server's hands, hands that share a touch screen, the phone, and objects that gather germs. Just help us out a little to keep our paws clean so we can avoid getting you, other guests, and ourselves sick. Thanks, and remember, 20% is always accepted.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
One For The Ages...
Oh man, I really did get one for the ages last weekend, and I'm gonna use this lady to illustrate two points...you'll see...
So I could tell that this middle aged lady didn't get out much; she was forty five minutes early for her reservation and was extremely proud of the thirty dollar groupon she had and waved it around like a flag when I sat her. Her excitement also caused her to stop me three times (I was by myself and kinda busy) to inquire about the menu and the specials, which I knew I'd have to repeat when her girlfriend finally found a liquor store and joined her. One of her ridiculous questions was, "I only order filet mignon but is there any other steak you'd recommend?"
Now the recommendation I made wasn't even some off the cuff B.S. suggestion to get her to order something more expensive or anything. I happen to think that filet mignon is an under-sized and over-priced cut in any restaurant; I think it is a cut that lacks flavor and at "The Joint," a restaurant with many cuts of grass-fed Argentinian beef, to taste the difference I honestly think guests should try a different cut. And again, the coupon that had become a place-mat on the table reminded me that value might also be an issue, so I recommended a generous twelve-ounce flat iron steak that is actually less expensive than our filet, not something I'm known for.
So her flat iron steak arrives an hour later because her guest, who had finally arrived, dragged out the meal by ordering three courses when the original lady only ordered an entree. She makes a small incision in the steak, pushes it away, and looks as though she is about to cry. Half a bottle of wine in, her steadily more obnoxious girlfriend flags me down and informs me that her friend is not happy. She explains that her steak is "bloody", and the salad it came with was just "drenched leaves." I promptly remove the steak to be cooked longer and immediately bring her a house salad, decidedly more impressive than the mixed greens she abhorred. Upon returning the flat iron, I noticed the cut she had made was kind of against the grain, so I politely recommended she cut it with the grain. She did this, slicing the steak into twelve or fourteen slices, then she loudly put down her silverware, and again, pouted like a child. This time I actually implored her to try the steak, to which she responded: "You told me this would be more tender and flavorful than a filet mignon. You said it was better." "In my opinion, ma'am." I replied. I had made a recommendation, like I'd done a thousand times, and never had I been lambasted like this. And how did she know it didn't taste like it was marinated in liquid gold? She hadn't even tried it yet.
Then I did something I haven't done in years; I turned the table over to a manager. I was busy, I knew I could not make her happy, so I simply gave up. Now the manager I sent over was happened to be the owner, who saw the coupon like it was on fire, and I knew this woman was not going to get her filet mignon, which she was hinting at with her theatrics about my suggestion anyway. The owner brought hot granite and extra sauce, so the lady could cook the steak as she pleased and add flavor if she desired. If she wanted filet mignon, she was gonna have to kill both me and my boss, go into the kitchen and cook it herself. Once she realized this, she finally tasted her flat iron steak, remarked that it was "good," and proceeded to eat the whole thing. After the owner presented them with quite a nice dessert sampler for free, they hemmed and hawed over their twenty seven dollar check (after the coupon), took the wrong credit card slip, stayed for an hour, couldn't find the right credit card slip, were obnoxious to the point other patrons noticed and were appalled...it was a nightmare. They finally paraded out after explaining they still left a tip, five bucks, because it "wasn't my fault."
Take what you want from this but I can think of two lessons we can learn from these two D.H.s (from now on-desperate housewives): When you ask a waiter for a suggestion, that's exactly what it is, a suggestion. I didn't put a gun to that lady's head and make her order the flat iron steak. If she came in there knowing she wanted a filet, then that's what she should have gotten instead of getting on my nerves with pointless questions and then faulting me for answering them. Second, my friends from developing countries will tell you that if these ladies from "Holdenfeld" came from a place where people were starving all around them, they wouldn't be so quick to have me throw away a twenty three dollar steak in place of a twenty four dollar one.
Sorry this one was kind of a rant, but as you can see, this table really was one for the ages. But hey, these types of tables remind me why I went back to school! Til next time, Remember folks 20% is always accepted.
So I could tell that this middle aged lady didn't get out much; she was forty five minutes early for her reservation and was extremely proud of the thirty dollar groupon she had and waved it around like a flag when I sat her. Her excitement also caused her to stop me three times (I was by myself and kinda busy) to inquire about the menu and the specials, which I knew I'd have to repeat when her girlfriend finally found a liquor store and joined her. One of her ridiculous questions was, "I only order filet mignon but is there any other steak you'd recommend?"
Now the recommendation I made wasn't even some off the cuff B.S. suggestion to get her to order something more expensive or anything. I happen to think that filet mignon is an under-sized and over-priced cut in any restaurant; I think it is a cut that lacks flavor and at "The Joint," a restaurant with many cuts of grass-fed Argentinian beef, to taste the difference I honestly think guests should try a different cut. And again, the coupon that had become a place-mat on the table reminded me that value might also be an issue, so I recommended a generous twelve-ounce flat iron steak that is actually less expensive than our filet, not something I'm known for.
So her flat iron steak arrives an hour later because her guest, who had finally arrived, dragged out the meal by ordering three courses when the original lady only ordered an entree. She makes a small incision in the steak, pushes it away, and looks as though she is about to cry. Half a bottle of wine in, her steadily more obnoxious girlfriend flags me down and informs me that her friend is not happy. She explains that her steak is "bloody", and the salad it came with was just "drenched leaves." I promptly remove the steak to be cooked longer and immediately bring her a house salad, decidedly more impressive than the mixed greens she abhorred. Upon returning the flat iron, I noticed the cut she had made was kind of against the grain, so I politely recommended she cut it with the grain. She did this, slicing the steak into twelve or fourteen slices, then she loudly put down her silverware, and again, pouted like a child. This time I actually implored her to try the steak, to which she responded: "You told me this would be more tender and flavorful than a filet mignon. You said it was better." "In my opinion, ma'am." I replied. I had made a recommendation, like I'd done a thousand times, and never had I been lambasted like this. And how did she know it didn't taste like it was marinated in liquid gold? She hadn't even tried it yet.
Then I did something I haven't done in years; I turned the table over to a manager. I was busy, I knew I could not make her happy, so I simply gave up. Now the manager I sent over was happened to be the owner, who saw the coupon like it was on fire, and I knew this woman was not going to get her filet mignon, which she was hinting at with her theatrics about my suggestion anyway. The owner brought hot granite and extra sauce, so the lady could cook the steak as she pleased and add flavor if she desired. If she wanted filet mignon, she was gonna have to kill both me and my boss, go into the kitchen and cook it herself. Once she realized this, she finally tasted her flat iron steak, remarked that it was "good," and proceeded to eat the whole thing. After the owner presented them with quite a nice dessert sampler for free, they hemmed and hawed over their twenty seven dollar check (after the coupon), took the wrong credit card slip, stayed for an hour, couldn't find the right credit card slip, were obnoxious to the point other patrons noticed and were appalled...it was a nightmare. They finally paraded out after explaining they still left a tip, five bucks, because it "wasn't my fault."
Take what you want from this but I can think of two lessons we can learn from these two D.H.s (from now on-desperate housewives): When you ask a waiter for a suggestion, that's exactly what it is, a suggestion. I didn't put a gun to that lady's head and make her order the flat iron steak. If she came in there knowing she wanted a filet, then that's what she should have gotten instead of getting on my nerves with pointless questions and then faulting me for answering them. Second, my friends from developing countries will tell you that if these ladies from "Holdenfeld" came from a place where people were starving all around them, they wouldn't be so quick to have me throw away a twenty three dollar steak in place of a twenty four dollar one.
Sorry this one was kind of a rant, but as you can see, this table really was one for the ages. But hey, these types of tables remind me why I went back to school! Til next time, Remember folks 20% is always accepted.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Hey Bartender!
So I got out of the bar business about two years ago and began working at a BYOB. Now I remember why. I was recently at a bar as a patron (I know, right? Can you believe it?), and I witnessed some behavior that made me wonder how I ever bartended for all those years without jumping over the bar and strangling somebody.
It began with the wave. A group of young meatheads down the bar from me began waving emphatically at the bartender to assist them with a round of shots. The one who seemed to be in charge had a fifty in his waving paw, adding to the obnoxiousness of it all. Just a quick aside: As a bartender, at this point I'd be wondering how much this group really needs a round of shots, so if nothing else, know that waving down bartenders is a quick way to get cut off.
After not being addressed for a whole thirty seconds, the shouting began. Calls of "Hey sweetie!" and "Over here doll!" caused the bartenders to cringe as they glanced at each other to see who would address this noise. Finally, one of them took the bullet after doing every possible thing she could before reluctantly meandering over. If it were me, these guys would've definitely gotten a little extra lime juice in their snakebites.
So how do you get a drink in a crowded bar? Simple. Have cash ready and out, all good bartenders will recognize cash; you don't have to wave it around. Also, cash transactions are much faster thatn credit cards, so you have a better chance of being served first in a busy bar setting. You should know to bring cash to a bar anyway, are you really putting $2.50 beers on your AMEX?
The other key is to make eye contact and smile. When you smile at someone, they smile back. The bartender not only knows from this smile exchange that you are thirsty, but you are also friendly and patient, and aware of how busy thay are.
So show the dough, smile, and make eye contact and you'll always have a drink in hand. Tipping well on the first round will also ensure the bartenders notice you when its time for the second. And for well-made cocktails served efficiently with a smile? 20% is always accepted.
It began with the wave. A group of young meatheads down the bar from me began waving emphatically at the bartender to assist them with a round of shots. The one who seemed to be in charge had a fifty in his waving paw, adding to the obnoxiousness of it all. Just a quick aside: As a bartender, at this point I'd be wondering how much this group really needs a round of shots, so if nothing else, know that waving down bartenders is a quick way to get cut off.
After not being addressed for a whole thirty seconds, the shouting began. Calls of "Hey sweetie!" and "Over here doll!" caused the bartenders to cringe as they glanced at each other to see who would address this noise. Finally, one of them took the bullet after doing every possible thing she could before reluctantly meandering over. If it were me, these guys would've definitely gotten a little extra lime juice in their snakebites.
So how do you get a drink in a crowded bar? Simple. Have cash ready and out, all good bartenders will recognize cash; you don't have to wave it around. Also, cash transactions are much faster thatn credit cards, so you have a better chance of being served first in a busy bar setting. You should know to bring cash to a bar anyway, are you really putting $2.50 beers on your AMEX?
The other key is to make eye contact and smile. When you smile at someone, they smile back. The bartender not only knows from this smile exchange that you are thirsty, but you are also friendly and patient, and aware of how busy thay are.
So show the dough, smile, and make eye contact and you'll always have a drink in hand. Tipping well on the first round will also ensure the bartenders notice you when its time for the second. And for well-made cocktails served efficiently with a smile? 20% is always accepted.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Large? Get In Charge....
Everyone likes large parties in restaurants. Its usually a good chance for the house and the server to make better than average dough, and who doesn't love getting together with ten to sixteen people you hardly know around six or seven-thirty?
You can probably see what I'm getting at already. Large parties are usually unorganized; the guests are rarely on the same page making it difficult for the restaurant staff to accommodate the party and truthfully, the guest can suffer despite still spending good money. We had a party of twelve to fourteen wander in for dinner Saturday in groups over the course of an hour ordering three different sets of appetizers, thus throwing off the timing of their whole meal and taking up four tables for the better part of an entire Saturday night. Its a good thing the eight-thirty party of thirteen didn't bother to show up. If you want to enjoy your restaurant experience with a large group of friends or family, just take a few extra measures and the night can really go quite smoothly.
-Get together and confirm the number of guests. Even if your Aunt Minne and Uncle Will get lost and go home at the last minute, call the restaurant and report any changes so they can properly adjust the table. If you add people to the party then you will definitely need more room and it can be surprisingly uncomfortable for ten people to sit at a table for twenty.
-Try to get everyone on the same page with the order. Its best to share some appetizers between a lot of people so why not take charge and pick a few things you think everyone might like? If the waiter suggests some items that were meant to share, go with it. Remember, whenever a waiter suggests something its because it has worked or guests have liked it in the past. Also, try to decide on your entrees before the appetizers come out so the server can get the fifteen menus out of the way.
-Everybody bring cash. When the bill arrives, the gratuity will most likely be added to parties of eight or more, so paying can be as easy as breaking it down to a per-person cost.
Like I'd mentioned, you will be paying for dinner whether you are with one other person or twenty so why not take a few steps to ensure your money is well spent and you enjoy your evening? And remember,when dining with a large group, 20% is definitely always accepted.
You can probably see what I'm getting at already. Large parties are usually unorganized; the guests are rarely on the same page making it difficult for the restaurant staff to accommodate the party and truthfully, the guest can suffer despite still spending good money. We had a party of twelve to fourteen wander in for dinner Saturday in groups over the course of an hour ordering three different sets of appetizers, thus throwing off the timing of their whole meal and taking up four tables for the better part of an entire Saturday night. Its a good thing the eight-thirty party of thirteen didn't bother to show up. If you want to enjoy your restaurant experience with a large group of friends or family, just take a few extra measures and the night can really go quite smoothly.
-Get together and confirm the number of guests. Even if your Aunt Minne and Uncle Will get lost and go home at the last minute, call the restaurant and report any changes so they can properly adjust the table. If you add people to the party then you will definitely need more room and it can be surprisingly uncomfortable for ten people to sit at a table for twenty.
-Try to get everyone on the same page with the order. Its best to share some appetizers between a lot of people so why not take charge and pick a few things you think everyone might like? If the waiter suggests some items that were meant to share, go with it. Remember, whenever a waiter suggests something its because it has worked or guests have liked it in the past. Also, try to decide on your entrees before the appetizers come out so the server can get the fifteen menus out of the way.
-Everybody bring cash. When the bill arrives, the gratuity will most likely be added to parties of eight or more, so paying can be as easy as breaking it down to a per-person cost.
Like I'd mentioned, you will be paying for dinner whether you are with one other person or twenty so why not take a few steps to ensure your money is well spent and you enjoy your evening? And remember,when dining with a large group, 20% is definitely always accepted.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Yelp!
Many of you may already know that yelp!.com is an easily accessible page for both viewing and posting reviews of businesses, especially restaurants. So lets take a minute to learn about the dangers of yelp! use.
First of all, try not to use yelp! solely as a means of complaining about a restaurant experience that may not have been up to your standards. If you happen to have a great experience, if your server was excellent or at least put in an honest effort, feel free to post such positive reviews as well. In this situation, there is nothing wrong with posting your server's name. I guarantee his or her boss checks yelp! every day so why not name your server so my boss knows I'm doing a good job.
Conversely, in negative reviews, try not to name your server. In all honesty, if a problem does arise during your dining experience, ninety percent of the time it is not the server's fault. Consider the fact that you have this person's job in your hands when you post comments about them. Would you really want someone to lose their job because you thought they gave you a dirty look after you sent back your chicken for the third time? Even if you did recieve a scowl, remember that everyone has a bad day, and when a server is having a bad day they still need to keep a smile on their face. Is it easy for you smile and be pleasant when you are having a bad day? Quite simply, do you want to jeopardize the job af a person who most likely has a family or is paying for college over something that probably wasn't their fault? Think about all of this the next time you you feel like criticizing someone elses work performance.
Finally, don't put too much into what you read on yelp!, especially restaurant reviews. I've read reviews about "The Joint" that were either complete bull or were mistakenly about another restaurant. And as much as you may not want to believe it, there are some shady restaurant owners/managers that find ways to use yelp! to falsely trash other restaurants and trump up the reviews of their own. And you might not know that businesses, having paid yelp! for advertising, autimatically improve their overall grade.
So be careful how you use yelp!.com. Actually, you'd be best served to never even visit that site at all. If you want a restaurant review, email me and I'll serve it right up. Or heres an idea, use ZAGAT! It's only a reliable company that has been employing experts to objectively review restaurants for like, a hundred years. They will also tell you that 20% is always accepted. Until next time...........stay hungry, my friends (Not only am I not the most interesting man in the world, I'm also not the most creative).
First of all, try not to use yelp! solely as a means of complaining about a restaurant experience that may not have been up to your standards. If you happen to have a great experience, if your server was excellent or at least put in an honest effort, feel free to post such positive reviews as well. In this situation, there is nothing wrong with posting your server's name. I guarantee his or her boss checks yelp! every day so why not name your server so my boss knows I'm doing a good job.
Conversely, in negative reviews, try not to name your server. In all honesty, if a problem does arise during your dining experience, ninety percent of the time it is not the server's fault. Consider the fact that you have this person's job in your hands when you post comments about them. Would you really want someone to lose their job because you thought they gave you a dirty look after you sent back your chicken for the third time? Even if you did recieve a scowl, remember that everyone has a bad day, and when a server is having a bad day they still need to keep a smile on their face. Is it easy for you smile and be pleasant when you are having a bad day? Quite simply, do you want to jeopardize the job af a person who most likely has a family or is paying for college over something that probably wasn't their fault? Think about all of this the next time you you feel like criticizing someone elses work performance.
Finally, don't put too much into what you read on yelp!, especially restaurant reviews. I've read reviews about "The Joint" that were either complete bull or were mistakenly about another restaurant. And as much as you may not want to believe it, there are some shady restaurant owners/managers that find ways to use yelp! to falsely trash other restaurants and trump up the reviews of their own. And you might not know that businesses, having paid yelp! for advertising, autimatically improve their overall grade.
So be careful how you use yelp!.com. Actually, you'd be best served to never even visit that site at all. If you want a restaurant review, email me and I'll serve it right up. Or heres an idea, use ZAGAT! It's only a reliable company that has been employing experts to objectively review restaurants for like, a hundred years. They will also tell you that 20% is always accepted. Until next time...........stay hungry, my friends (Not only am I not the most interesting man in the world, I'm also not the most creative).
Monday, October 10, 2011
Get Ur Groupon
Hello all, I'm a little late this week due to illness, internet issues (thanks T-Mobile), and WORKING ALL WEEKEND, so thanks for being patient, I'll try to be more punctual with my posts in the future.
Due to the current groupon craze, I feel it's necessary to address proper procedure if you are planning to go to just about any restaurant with a coupon in tow. A few weeks ago, I had a table of four very polite and personable patrons. All was well as they enjoyed a nice meal, but as I cleared their dinners, they mentioned that they were trying to make a movie, so I quickly presented their check and went about greeting another table. When I returned to the other guests to reconcile their payment they were gone. No problem, I saw they had left cash and a......groupon. I knew there would be an issue because most people do not know how coupons work in a restaurant and sure enough, their oversight of one of the coupon's stipulations resulted in my intended twenty dollar tip vanishing into thin air.
The procedure I'm about to outline may seem a bit excessive to any non-restaurant readers, but If you care whether or not your server can afford to put gas in his or her car to get to school the next day- I mean if you want to make sure your server receives your fully intended tip, you will follow at least a few of these steps:
- You should already be making reservations at any restaurant that will accept them. This is also a chance to mention the promotion or coupon in question to find out ahead of time if their are any limitations or restrictions to the offer. You don't want to go to a restaurant on a Saturday with a coupon that's only good at Friday's (heh, heh).
- Present your coupon to the server when he or she greets you. This gives us a heads up to track down a manager, adjust the check, scan and staple the coupon, mix the anti-counterfeit chemicals etc. ahead of time, not when you are trying to leave and I just got triple-sat.
- This may seem like common sense to some of you but in lieu of recent personal experiences I really must remind everyone to please tip on the pre-discounted total, maybe even a little more than usual. If you saved fifty bucks, why not throw the server an extra five?
Coupons and groupons can be great in that you may get the opportunity to sample a restaurant you wouldn't normally splurge on. These can also be great chances to practice your etiquette and restaurant procedure in a setting you are a little less used to. So until next time (tomorrow if I wanna get credit!), remember 20% is always accepted.
Due to the current groupon craze, I feel it's necessary to address proper procedure if you are planning to go to just about any restaurant with a coupon in tow. A few weeks ago, I had a table of four very polite and personable patrons. All was well as they enjoyed a nice meal, but as I cleared their dinners, they mentioned that they were trying to make a movie, so I quickly presented their check and went about greeting another table. When I returned to the other guests to reconcile their payment they were gone. No problem, I saw they had left cash and a......groupon. I knew there would be an issue because most people do not know how coupons work in a restaurant and sure enough, their oversight of one of the coupon's stipulations resulted in my intended twenty dollar tip vanishing into thin air.
The procedure I'm about to outline may seem a bit excessive to any non-restaurant readers, but If you care whether or not your server can afford to put gas in his or her car to get to school the next day- I mean if you want to make sure your server receives your fully intended tip, you will follow at least a few of these steps:
- You should already be making reservations at any restaurant that will accept them. This is also a chance to mention the promotion or coupon in question to find out ahead of time if their are any limitations or restrictions to the offer. You don't want to go to a restaurant on a Saturday with a coupon that's only good at Friday's (heh, heh).
- Present your coupon to the server when he or she greets you. This gives us a heads up to track down a manager, adjust the check, scan and staple the coupon, mix the anti-counterfeit chemicals etc. ahead of time, not when you are trying to leave and I just got triple-sat.
- This may seem like common sense to some of you but in lieu of recent personal experiences I really must remind everyone to please tip on the pre-discounted total, maybe even a little more than usual. If you saved fifty bucks, why not throw the server an extra five?
Coupons and groupons can be great in that you may get the opportunity to sample a restaurant you wouldn't normally splurge on. These can also be great chances to practice your etiquette and restaurant procedure in a setting you are a little less used to. So until next time (tomorrow if I wanna get credit!), remember 20% is always accepted.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Teach Your Children (to dine) Well
Recently I read an amazing essay calling to notice the differences in child-rearing theory here in the United States and in foriegn countries, and instantly I thought of thought of two prime examples relating to a restaurant setting. Here they are, I'll let you draw your own conclusions:
I had a great table of eight people last Saturday night. Notice I didn't say four adults and four kids, because such a distinction was not necessary and I'll tell you why: The make up consisted of two married couples, the husbands were Peruvian and the wives American, and each couple had two daughters. By my guess, none were older than twelve, the youngest was maybe six. When I greet such tables, I always accomodate the children first by reccomending our children's menu steak strips and fries, or maybe a "grown up" dish of parmesan crusted chicken breast with lemon sauce. Wasn't I surprised when they ordered their lamb chops with Dijon sauce medium rare. Beyond this, their manners were impeccable; a stern look from one of the fathers was all it took to quiet a giggle that had reached an unacceptable decibel level. When I offered the girls lemonades to start, they accepted only after a nod from their parents and knew much better than to request refills. I snuck them a little more with their dinners. After cleaning their plates they did not even think about dessert, and when one of the mothers offered what seemed to be the youngest of the girls a cup of coffee, she replied, "Thank you, but I think I'll pass tonight," when she noticed no one else was having any coffee.
I have to reach a little farther back for my second example, when I was working at a high end steakhouse in center city Philly, lets call it "Davids." The steakhouse was connected to a hotel, so we had no shortage of expense accounts and out of town businesspeople dining with us. One night I was seated with a Japanese hotel guest, his wife and young son, maybe six years old at most, who had made the business trip as well. The child, like his father, donned a three piece suit and red silk tie, tied in a double oxford knot. After making a similar approach to this table as I had with the girls- reccomending some child-friendly options- the young boy politely thanked me in perfect English, but deferred instead to a New York strip steak, done rare, with Gorgonzola sauce and a side of steamed asparagus. I almost fell to the floor. Now this is the type of place that when a child ordered a fifty-dollar steak, we would push it out on a cart and with much regalia, cut it up for him or her into bite-sized pieces to save the parents the trouble. I knew that would not be necessary this night. When presented with the steak, the boy proceeded to grip his silverware in the European style, cutting it perfectly down the middle; savoring one bite sized piece of corn fed prime beef at a time after dipping it lightly in melted bleu cheese. That woozy feeling came rushing back and this time I really did feel as though I might hit the floor.
My point is that these children were taught it was an ablolute priveledge to be in a position to eat out, a special treat they should really enjoy. They are not bored or exasperated by it like many American children who eat out in some form every day. These are not the children that let me stand at the table for five minutes, poring over four children's menu items and refusing to order, despite the embarrased and desperate pleas from their mothers. "David's" didn't even have a children's menu and my young friend knew that being a steak house, we must have had a New York strip on the menu, his choice of sauce and side dish were merely a bonus. So after dining out at a high end restaurant myself this past Sunday with my prized eight month old nephew, I've decided that if parents were to teach their young ones how priveledged they are to have someone else cook their food and then serve it to them, I'd waste a lot less time during my busy shifts coaxing finnicky brats in into ordering the chicken fingers they knew they wanted all along. And I'd certainly be sweeping up less cruhed Cheerios from under my tables!
Take a minute to think about whether a server has ever earnestly complimented your children on their restaurant behavior, and until next time, remember 20% is always expected (and maybe add a few more percentage points for messy or unruly children).
I had a great table of eight people last Saturday night. Notice I didn't say four adults and four kids, because such a distinction was not necessary and I'll tell you why: The make up consisted of two married couples, the husbands were Peruvian and the wives American, and each couple had two daughters. By my guess, none were older than twelve, the youngest was maybe six. When I greet such tables, I always accomodate the children first by reccomending our children's menu steak strips and fries, or maybe a "grown up" dish of parmesan crusted chicken breast with lemon sauce. Wasn't I surprised when they ordered their lamb chops with Dijon sauce medium rare. Beyond this, their manners were impeccable; a stern look from one of the fathers was all it took to quiet a giggle that had reached an unacceptable decibel level. When I offered the girls lemonades to start, they accepted only after a nod from their parents and knew much better than to request refills. I snuck them a little more with their dinners. After cleaning their plates they did not even think about dessert, and when one of the mothers offered what seemed to be the youngest of the girls a cup of coffee, she replied, "Thank you, but I think I'll pass tonight," when she noticed no one else was having any coffee.
I have to reach a little farther back for my second example, when I was working at a high end steakhouse in center city Philly, lets call it "Davids." The steakhouse was connected to a hotel, so we had no shortage of expense accounts and out of town businesspeople dining with us. One night I was seated with a Japanese hotel guest, his wife and young son, maybe six years old at most, who had made the business trip as well. The child, like his father, donned a three piece suit and red silk tie, tied in a double oxford knot. After making a similar approach to this table as I had with the girls- reccomending some child-friendly options- the young boy politely thanked me in perfect English, but deferred instead to a New York strip steak, done rare, with Gorgonzola sauce and a side of steamed asparagus. I almost fell to the floor. Now this is the type of place that when a child ordered a fifty-dollar steak, we would push it out on a cart and with much regalia, cut it up for him or her into bite-sized pieces to save the parents the trouble. I knew that would not be necessary this night. When presented with the steak, the boy proceeded to grip his silverware in the European style, cutting it perfectly down the middle; savoring one bite sized piece of corn fed prime beef at a time after dipping it lightly in melted bleu cheese. That woozy feeling came rushing back and this time I really did feel as though I might hit the floor.
My point is that these children were taught it was an ablolute priveledge to be in a position to eat out, a special treat they should really enjoy. They are not bored or exasperated by it like many American children who eat out in some form every day. These are not the children that let me stand at the table for five minutes, poring over four children's menu items and refusing to order, despite the embarrased and desperate pleas from their mothers. "David's" didn't even have a children's menu and my young friend knew that being a steak house, we must have had a New York strip on the menu, his choice of sauce and side dish were merely a bonus. So after dining out at a high end restaurant myself this past Sunday with my prized eight month old nephew, I've decided that if parents were to teach their young ones how priveledged they are to have someone else cook their food and then serve it to them, I'd waste a lot less time during my busy shifts coaxing finnicky brats in into ordering the chicken fingers they knew they wanted all along. And I'd certainly be sweeping up less cruhed Cheerios from under my tables!
Take a minute to think about whether a server has ever earnestly complimented your children on their restaurant behavior, and until next time, remember 20% is always expected (and maybe add a few more percentage points for messy or unruly children).
Friday, September 30, 2011
Stick With The Menu
One quick announcement: Whereas I thought i'd be posting the second of my two weekly blogs on Thursdays, I think I'm going to do it on Friday afternoons. I feel it might be a good way for me to mentally prepare myself for a long weekend at "The Joint", the fictional name I'll use for the restaurant at which I'm currently employed (I really should keep 'the place" anonymous for obvious reasons).
So last Saturday was pretty busy; we had a relatively new server and a brand spankin' new bus girl. Around eight o'clock I seat and proceed to take a table of four, two couples. Three of the four of them saw that it was busy, and had their orders pretty much ready to go a few minutes after I opened their wine. The last gentleman to order opens his menu, glances at it for a minute, and says, "I don't really eat any of this stuff, I wonder what the chef will make me." There are almost forty items on our menu; every thing from steaks to ribs to seafood and salad. Vegetarian options, healthily grilled items. There are endless choices. After four minutes of my six other tables staring me down we decided on grilled salmon with sauteed mushrooms and some vegetables.
Shortly after their food arrives I approach their table for a quality check. The three that had ordered from the menu complimented me on the suggestions I'd made for them and raved about their entrees. The fourth gentleman promptly and rudely begins to complain about the portion size of his salmon, calling it "an insult," and "a disgrace." Now we serve an eight ounce fillet of salmon, same as every other restaurant at which I've worked, and some of those places charged ten dollars more for that same portion. So our price for the dish is by no means exorbitant. I offered him any side dish he would like, complimentary, in an attempt to appease the situation, but he just loudly remarked how he would've liked some more salmon, and not only would he not return, but he would also tell EVERY ONE of his many friends. The other couple looked mortified, his wife slapped his arm and told him to stop, and I quietly politely excused myself and left him alone for the rest of the meal. He at least seemed to appreciate that move because he did tip 20% in the end.
I use this example of the gentleman who ordered something off the menu on a busy night- and then had the gall to complain about what he got, to illustrate a simple dining point: Order something from the menu. Ninety percent of the time, the chef is not back there on the line, catering to guest requests. The cooks that actually do prepare the food are trained to execute the items on the menu, so special orders are usually confusing and not made well. Dietary restrictions can usually be easily attended to- just go with something the server recommends for vegetarians, gluten allergies, etc. He or she has served these items to those people in the past, and must have gotten a good response to be recommending them again. Items are on a restaurant menu because those are the things that the restaurant has practiced and does well. Why not order one?
Well maybe tonight is the night I make a million dollars. Until next time, 20% is always accepted.
So last Saturday was pretty busy; we had a relatively new server and a brand spankin' new bus girl. Around eight o'clock I seat and proceed to take a table of four, two couples. Three of the four of them saw that it was busy, and had their orders pretty much ready to go a few minutes after I opened their wine. The last gentleman to order opens his menu, glances at it for a minute, and says, "I don't really eat any of this stuff, I wonder what the chef will make me." There are almost forty items on our menu; every thing from steaks to ribs to seafood and salad. Vegetarian options, healthily grilled items. There are endless choices. After four minutes of my six other tables staring me down we decided on grilled salmon with sauteed mushrooms and some vegetables.
Shortly after their food arrives I approach their table for a quality check. The three that had ordered from the menu complimented me on the suggestions I'd made for them and raved about their entrees. The fourth gentleman promptly and rudely begins to complain about the portion size of his salmon, calling it "an insult," and "a disgrace." Now we serve an eight ounce fillet of salmon, same as every other restaurant at which I've worked, and some of those places charged ten dollars more for that same portion. So our price for the dish is by no means exorbitant. I offered him any side dish he would like, complimentary, in an attempt to appease the situation, but he just loudly remarked how he would've liked some more salmon, and not only would he not return, but he would also tell EVERY ONE of his many friends. The other couple looked mortified, his wife slapped his arm and told him to stop, and I quietly politely excused myself and left him alone for the rest of the meal. He at least seemed to appreciate that move because he did tip 20% in the end.
I use this example of the gentleman who ordered something off the menu on a busy night- and then had the gall to complain about what he got, to illustrate a simple dining point: Order something from the menu. Ninety percent of the time, the chef is not back there on the line, catering to guest requests. The cooks that actually do prepare the food are trained to execute the items on the menu, so special orders are usually confusing and not made well. Dietary restrictions can usually be easily attended to- just go with something the server recommends for vegetarians, gluten allergies, etc. He or she has served these items to those people in the past, and must have gotten a good response to be recommending them again. Items are on a restaurant menu because those are the things that the restaurant has practiced and does well. Why not order one?
Well maybe tonight is the night I make a million dollars. Until next time, 20% is always accepted.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Last and Loudest
Let's get right into it shall we? Sometimes you can't avoid being the last table in a restaurant. But if you want to fully enjoy your restaurant experience try not to do it. I'll let my ''example" do the talking.
In my intro post I alluded to four middle aged Jersey housewives I served last Friday night, the kind we all know and love, from a nearby affluent suburb I'll call "Holdenfeld" for our purposes. I sat three of them at around seven thirty and the fourth swept in at twenty after eight. Her late arrival was fine except that the original three ladies were halfway into their second of three bottles of wine. No problem, the fourth had brought two bottles of her own, one of which she wanted opened immediately. So after the greetings, the birthday presents, and the indecision I got their three course order in by ten of nine. Needless to say, by the time I cleared their dinners it was just ten o'clock and they were one of two tables left in the room. The other was a party of six which was seated a few tables away from our ladies about an hour afterward.
The party of six had a little wine as well, and were not thrilled about their dessert conversation being interrupted by the boisterous laughter and obnoxious outbursts that were coming from the same direction as the off-putting aroma of high-end perfumes all mixed together. So they began to try to talk over the ladies; sometimes in a mimicking manner and sometimes just trying to comment across their table. Whether the Holdenfeld four were aware of this or completely oblivious, they seemed to get worse at this point.
My fellow server and I, completely finished closing the joint, patiently waited out of sight for the two groups to finish up and leave. This is when the calls and beckons began, shrill voices loudly pointing out the need for more water, more ice on the wine, etc. Great. Beat up on the help when someone else insults you. But I complied with a smile and resumed the anguish that is the wait to be released from work on a Friday night.
But now it was a war. I'd seen this before. The next battle after the one for decibel supremacy is the battle to see who will stay the longest. Almost always, the winning group will leave directly after the one that concedes, satisfied with their supremacy in the test of wills they just fought over their key lime pie. As you guessed it, our ladies were that group, making a last loud request for their corks to be returned (though I'd turned off the music at eleven o"clock) so they could take with them what little wine was left.
Anyone, even a non-restaurant employee, can see how uncomfortable this situation became for everyone- both the guests and the staff. I'm sure that this incident is what both tables will remember about this experience, not the great food or, of course, the spectacular service. I never make the last table feel rushed, but they must feel that way a little when they ask me, without fail, if they are "holding me up." By the way, a server is never gonna respond to this with a genuine, "Actually sir, you are. Would you please get the $#%& out!" So please never ask this.
Just know the place where you wanna eat a little. If you get a calamari craving at eleven at night, go to a spot that's known for its late night menu. And if you do happen to be the last table, don't freak out and get your dinner to go. You're gonna pay for your food so take your time and enjoy it, even order dessert without feeling any pressure. But after three and a half hours and almost five bottles of wine it is time to go.
I promise, an empty room is not a welcome place to dine and food quality can suffer later on in the night, so make sure you get the most out of your experience by dining during "normal" business hours. And remember my friends, 20% is always accepted.
In my intro post I alluded to four middle aged Jersey housewives I served last Friday night, the kind we all know and love, from a nearby affluent suburb I'll call "Holdenfeld" for our purposes. I sat three of them at around seven thirty and the fourth swept in at twenty after eight. Her late arrival was fine except that the original three ladies were halfway into their second of three bottles of wine. No problem, the fourth had brought two bottles of her own, one of which she wanted opened immediately. So after the greetings, the birthday presents, and the indecision I got their three course order in by ten of nine. Needless to say, by the time I cleared their dinners it was just ten o'clock and they were one of two tables left in the room. The other was a party of six which was seated a few tables away from our ladies about an hour afterward.
The party of six had a little wine as well, and were not thrilled about their dessert conversation being interrupted by the boisterous laughter and obnoxious outbursts that were coming from the same direction as the off-putting aroma of high-end perfumes all mixed together. So they began to try to talk over the ladies; sometimes in a mimicking manner and sometimes just trying to comment across their table. Whether the Holdenfeld four were aware of this or completely oblivious, they seemed to get worse at this point.
My fellow server and I, completely finished closing the joint, patiently waited out of sight for the two groups to finish up and leave. This is when the calls and beckons began, shrill voices loudly pointing out the need for more water, more ice on the wine, etc. Great. Beat up on the help when someone else insults you. But I complied with a smile and resumed the anguish that is the wait to be released from work on a Friday night.
But now it was a war. I'd seen this before. The next battle after the one for decibel supremacy is the battle to see who will stay the longest. Almost always, the winning group will leave directly after the one that concedes, satisfied with their supremacy in the test of wills they just fought over their key lime pie. As you guessed it, our ladies were that group, making a last loud request for their corks to be returned (though I'd turned off the music at eleven o"clock) so they could take with them what little wine was left.
Anyone, even a non-restaurant employee, can see how uncomfortable this situation became for everyone- both the guests and the staff. I'm sure that this incident is what both tables will remember about this experience, not the great food or, of course, the spectacular service. I never make the last table feel rushed, but they must feel that way a little when they ask me, without fail, if they are "holding me up." By the way, a server is never gonna respond to this with a genuine, "Actually sir, you are. Would you please get the $#%& out!" So please never ask this.
Just know the place where you wanna eat a little. If you get a calamari craving at eleven at night, go to a spot that's known for its late night menu. And if you do happen to be the last table, don't freak out and get your dinner to go. You're gonna pay for your food so take your time and enjoy it, even order dessert without feeling any pressure. But after three and a half hours and almost five bottles of wine it is time to go.
I promise, an empty room is not a welcome place to dine and food quality can suffer later on in the night, so make sure you get the most out of your experience by dining during "normal" business hours. And remember my friends, 20% is always accepted.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Prepare to be be Served
This blog could be so useful to you. Most of you, my audience, are in college, which implies that you intend to secure some sort of professional position as a means of supporting yourself. One thing you can count on is that you'll be in a grown-up restaurant situation sooner than later and knowing how to handle certain situations with poise and etiquette can greatly improve the impression you make. It is not uncommon these days to be interviewed for a job over lunch at a nice restaurant, you might be invited to happy hour with your boss and his staff, you may have to entertain clients from out of town..... The possibilities are endless, and you may view this blog as your own personal restaurant coach, ready to help you navigate them all. I'm not saying that you may not be able to go out, order a meal, use manners, and tip appropriately, but sometimes uncomfortable situations arise during a dining experience that can affect the impression you make if you don't know how to handle them smoothly and with finesse, without coming off as rude. And if you've had etiquette training, are the perfect formal diner, or work in a restaurant and therefore know what I'm saying- then you can certainly use this blog for a twice-weekly laugh.
For the format of my posts will be simple: I am a waiter working weekends as I grind through college. I'll begin by presenting an example from my shifts over the previous weekend. And by example I mean a situation where one or more of my guests behaved so arrogantly that I or another server was left speechless. Or a guest whose table manners were so repulsive, a nearby table was mortified. Most of you wouldn't believe what I see on a weekly basis so when I get this off my chest after a long weekend, its sure to be hilarious.
But there are plenty of whiny waiter pages out there, why should you check out mine once, maybe twice a week? Well what if I'm ranting about a guy who almost had the perfect first date at my joint and did one little thing to screw it up, and you say to your self, "Hey Self, I've done that!" Or you're out to dinner with colleagues and you use one of my tips, looking smooth in the process. If you benefit just once from advice on my blog, my job is done. And if I make you laugh it's done too.
And I want to make it clear that I'm not some bratty college kid waiting tables for beer money in a "family restaurant." I've worked in the most upscale steakhouses and hotels and the greasiest of diners. In almost 15 years in the restaurant business I've worked all positions and seen the best and worst behavior from restaurant guests. I'm no etiquette expert but I certainly think I'm credible and I can dig down into my experience for examples in the unlikely event that all my tables are well behaved on a given weekend. I've already got something brewing concerning a four-top of drunk desperate housewives I had the pleasure of serving last night.
So look for my posts on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, that should give me time to get over the hangover that comes after spending a weekend at a busy restaurant and get some solid advice on the page. Thanks for your patronage, I hope you enjoy it, and remember: 20% is always accepted!
For the format of my posts will be simple: I am a waiter working weekends as I grind through college. I'll begin by presenting an example from my shifts over the previous weekend. And by example I mean a situation where one or more of my guests behaved so arrogantly that I or another server was left speechless. Or a guest whose table manners were so repulsive, a nearby table was mortified. Most of you wouldn't believe what I see on a weekly basis so when I get this off my chest after a long weekend, its sure to be hilarious.
But there are plenty of whiny waiter pages out there, why should you check out mine once, maybe twice a week? Well what if I'm ranting about a guy who almost had the perfect first date at my joint and did one little thing to screw it up, and you say to your self, "Hey Self, I've done that!" Or you're out to dinner with colleagues and you use one of my tips, looking smooth in the process. If you benefit just once from advice on my blog, my job is done. And if I make you laugh it's done too.
And I want to make it clear that I'm not some bratty college kid waiting tables for beer money in a "family restaurant." I've worked in the most upscale steakhouses and hotels and the greasiest of diners. In almost 15 years in the restaurant business I've worked all positions and seen the best and worst behavior from restaurant guests. I'm no etiquette expert but I certainly think I'm credible and I can dig down into my experience for examples in the unlikely event that all my tables are well behaved on a given weekend. I've already got something brewing concerning a four-top of drunk desperate housewives I had the pleasure of serving last night.
So look for my posts on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, that should give me time to get over the hangover that comes after spending a weekend at a busy restaurant and get some solid advice on the page. Thanks for your patronage, I hope you enjoy it, and remember: 20% is always accepted!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)